Pucking Strong: An MM Workplace Hockey Romance (Jacksonville Rays Book 4)

Henrik makes no attempt to drop my hand as he leads the way past my startled family, out of the WAG room, down the empty corridor, up a flight of stairs, and through an emergency door out onto the sidewalk. I cling to my WAG jacket with my free hand, following him.

It’s a balmy Florida night, jarring compared to the chill of the arena. The crowds of fans have cleared out enough that no one tries to stop us from circling the side of the building, cutting back around towards the team entrance to the parking garage. Cops are still out, directing the last of the traffic. The blue lights of their patrol cars flash. A man stands on the corner, busking with a saxophone, filling the night air with smooth jazz. It’s calm. Idyllic, even.

But my heart is in my throat. I’m alternating from feeling breathless and feeling buried.

What the fuck was that? Why did Mama have to go and fucking do that? Why did she have to plant those seeds of doubt in me? And what she said to Henrik? Distracted, I stumble on a crack in the sidewalk, squeezing tighter to Henrik’s hand. “Hey, do we need to walk so fast? I promise they’re not chasing us.”

But he doesn’t slacken his pace. He doesn’t even look at me. Doesn’t speak. He just weaves around the “PRIVATE PARKING” signs, scaring the shit out of the attendant who was half asleep in a folding chair.

“Mr. Karlsson?” The older white lady gasps, sitting up and adjusting the radio clipped to her parking vest. “Are you—” She glances at me, then peers around. “Honey, where’s your car? And shouldn’t you be coming at me from the other direction?”

“Have a good night, Pearl,” is his only reply as he slips around the arm of the parking gate. He pulls me along behind him.

“We can drive separate,” I offer. “My car is just over in Lot D. Really, I don’t mind—”

“No.”

I all but trot to keep up with him as we round the corner of the near-empty garage. His gorgeous Porsche 718 Cayman sits alone under the humming lights, waiting for us. It’s the perfect shade of ocean blue. He was going to get rid of it when we first got back from Sweden, which felt like a crime against god, and nature, and the car itself. In the end, I convinced him to open his damn purse strings and invest in a more sensible SUV. A man like Henrik can certainly afford two cars.

Now he’s striding forward in his custom grey Prada suit, thin black tie, and Italian leather loafers. The headlights of the car flash in welcome as he approaches. Fuck me, this is what fantasies are made of. Fighting a groan, I try to pull away again. “Seriously, you can just drop me off at my car—”

“Stop!” he shouts, his voice echoing around the empty garage.

I blink back tears of surprise. “Don’t yell at me.”

He drops my hand like it burned him. His chest rises and falls as he takes a step away from me. He looks confused, almost concussed.

I reach out on instinct. “Henrik …”

“Just go.”

Now I’m the one who feels burned. “What?”

“Go back to them.”

“No.” I step in closer, shrugging back into my WAG jacket. “Henrik, I wanna go with you.” With a flick of both wrists, I free my locs from the collar of the jacket.

But Henrik turns away, striding over to his car. “I can’t do this. I’ll not be the thorn that festers your relationship with your family. Teddy, please just go back. Do what you can to make it right. Before it’s too late.”

I’m reeling. What the fuck is happening? “Too late?” He tries to open his door, and I lunge forward, blocking it with my hand. “Hey, stop. Henrik, what the fuck? You stand up for us all night, defending me to the press and holding your own against my sisters and my scary-ass mother. And now you’re just rolling over?”

He shakes his head, unable to even look at me. “Your family is waiting for you. They came all this way. Please, go be with them. I can’t—” He presses the back of his hand to his forehead, looking around like he’s lost. “Teddy—”

I try to reach for him again. “Henrik …”

He tugs at his tie, loosening it. “I can’t do this,” he says again.

Shit, he’s spiraling out, and I don’t know how to stop it. Taking a deep breath, I ghost my hands over his arms, afraid to touch him, afraid he’ll break. “Henrik, look … What my mom said back there … I’m the baby of the family, okay? She was always gonna take my getting married too much to heart, no matter how it happened. She was just upset—”

“She was prophetic!”

I search his face, seeing the hurt there, the confusion and pain. She wounded him. Each of her carefully sharpened arrows clearly found their target. Reaching out, I press my hand to the middle of his chest, my fingertips brushing over his mussed tie. “Take me home,” I whisper. “Henrik, please, just take me with you.”

He shakes his head, and I wanna die. Wrapping a hand around my wrist, he removes my touch from his chest. “Your mother is right. I took advantage of you to serve my own ends. I trespassed on your kindness, your goodness.”

“Stop,” I plead, twisting free of his grip. “I offered, remember? You have to trust me to know the limits of what I can handle. She never has, and that’s her problem. They’re always trying to protect me, and then they take things too far, like what just happened in there.”

“Someone has to look out for you. I’m glad you have such fierce defenders.” He offers me a wan smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Now I know where your loyalty to Karro comes from.”

“And my loyalty to you.” I grab both his arms. “Henrik, I did this for Karro, but I did it for you too.”

“What do you mean?”

I drop his arms and step back, heart racing. “What I mean is … well, where’s your defender, huh? I watched you out on that ice tonight. Your shining moment? Your big score of the game? You did it alone. Not one person from your team was there for you, Henrik. They were all scrambling just to catch up. You were on your own. You are always all on your own. You take care of everyone and everything. Karro has you, and now she has me. But where’s your defender?”

Silence stretches between us before he finally just shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

With a growl of frustration, I step in, cupping his bearded face with my hands. “I’m standing right in front of you, asshole. Do you even see me? Look at me, Henrik.”

His sad blue eyes lock on me, and I feel it, this magnetic thing we have. My mother was right. I was a fool to try to deny it. There’s no holding this back. It’s like part of me has been lost and looking for this man my whole life. With Henrik, I am found.noveldrama

I hold his gaze, determination burning through me. To be seen by him. To finally be heard. God, to be wanted. “You seem to have fundamentally misunderstood the nature of our arrangement. So let me enlighten you. Your job is to take care of everyone else. And my mama’s right. You’re drowning, Henrik. So many people are making demands of you, dragging you down—your parents, Karro, her doctors, the team, your agent, your sponsors. The list just keeps getting longer. I see how hard you work for them. I see how they pull at you, how they need you.”

I step in closer, daring him to look away. “But I am not on that fucking list. Do you hear me? Six years ago, yes, you pulled me away from that speeding truck. But that’s the only time you get to save me. Because you’re on my list now. You’re mine, Henrik. And I’ll be damned if I let anyone, my own mother included, make you think you’re not worth saving—”

I’m gasping out a breath as Henrik pushes me back against the side of the Porsche. His hands are on my hips, possessive and firm. My hands still cup his face, thumbs brushing over the soft hair of his beard. Our faces are inches apart. I can feel his breath warm against my lips.

Oh god, he’s gonna kiss me.

Henrik Karlsson is finally going to kiss me.

He holds me in this eternal moment of waiting, our breathing shallow, chests rising and falling in unison. His hands hold me pinned to the car as he crowds my space, but he doesn’t press himself against me. I wait until I can’t bear it another second. Then I break, asking in a whisper, “What are you doing?”

He blinks, then swallows, as if coming back to his body. Then his gaze is trailing down from my eyes to my parted lips. “Not breaking any more of your rules.”

My mind hums as I try to understand. Then I groan as he leans away. Goddamn it, he’s talking about my “no kissing” rule. Fuck. I drop my hands to his shoulders, trying to keep him close, desperate to feel the weight of him pinning me to the side of this sports car. At this point, I’m beyond starving for the taste of his lips on mine. “Break it,” I beg. “Henrik, it’s okay. I want you to—”

But he’s pulling away. He’s shutting off, locking down. The moment is over. I’ve lost him, and now I wanna die. Like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun. I got a taste of his fire, and now I’m falling, wings melted, tumbling through the air.

“We’re both just upset,” he says in that reasoned tone. “Emotions are high. But you made your rules with deliberate care. And I made a vow I’d not break them—”

“We’re already breaking them,” I cry, tears of frustration stinging my eyes. I swear I’ll never forgive myself for falling for a Capricorn. “You slept in my bed last night. It was my understanding we were doing it again tonight. Because you want to be on my list. You want me to comfort you. You want to come home to me, remember?”

“I do,” he admits.

“Well, the home you want isn’t the lifeless apartment we share—it’s me.” I press both hands to my chest. “It’s my chaos and my moods and my body. You want me, Henrik. I know you do. And it’s okay that I give you comfort. So let me. In all the ways I can, I want you to let me.”

He closes his eyes, wincing as if my words are hurting him. “I can’t.”

“Will you give me one good reason?”

He considers for a moment. Finally, he glances my way, suddenly looking almost nervous. “Teddy, I know what you want from me. I see the way you look at me. You want our relationship to have a physical component. It’s your rule to break, but you’re the one who wants a kiss … Am I right?”

I cross my arms in this sparkly WAG jacket, branded with his number on my arms and back. “So what if I do? Just a moment ago, you did too. It’s only natural for two people sharing a life to share intimacies as well. When they have the kind of chemistry we have, it’s practically inevitable.”

“I can’t be with you in that way, Teddy.”

I hold my breath, daring to ask the question sitting like a rock in my chest. “Because you’re not attracted to men … or because you’re just not attracted to me?”

Holding my gaze, he offers me a weak smile. “Because I’m not attracted to anyone.”

“What does that even mean?”

He shrugs, sadness filling his eyes. “I’m broken, Teddy. Stay with me long enough, and I fear I’ll break you too.”